May 29, 2004

Well, here goes at least one interesting story for you and your friends. One of my contacts inside the White House, a nice young lady (don’t laugh..they exist) who has been dating a man in one of the security agencies (CIA, FBI or Secret Service…take your choice here) went on a date with him last weekend (May 22-23). Both had a “few drinks” and went to his apartment. He was trying to impress her (among other things) and told her the following: This Berg kid was not killed and decapitated by Arabs. He was killed by CIA interrogators and decapitated after he was dead, for propaganda purposes. The FBI had their hands on him but could get nothing out of him so the Company boys took over, played too rough and killed him. Then they contacted headquarters and decided on a grisly charade. They put makeup on him (his face was all banged up) and faked a beheading. When you cut someone’s throat, there is a terrible amount of blood squirting out all over the place. Not so in the Berg video. And after they cut off his head, they buried it out in the desert because if anyone ever found it attached to his body, they would know how he died and no one wanted to autopsy the skull and remove the American-made slug from his brain. The headless body was tossed out in southern Iraq and left to bloat for a while and then “discovered” and sent home. This is typical CIA business…killing people that is. Anyway, the informant was crying because she thinks that because she has knowledge, she will be snuffed too. She probably would have the usual heart attack if she blabbed so I have to be careful about any identifying info. Do I believe this? Given all the scuttlebutt floating around the Beltway, I surely do.

Bush sees the ground slipping out from under his flat feet and he and his boys will do anything to stay in power, even to cutting off the head of a corpse and making a circus out of it on the media. Another bit I picked up from my conscience-stricken informant is that there is now more anti aircraft equipment on the roof of the White House, and two other nearby buildings, than there ever was on the battleship Iowa. The security people here are really frightened that someone, Arab or local, will do A Bad Thing, possibly crashing a truck full of nitro into the barriers or a plane into the West Wing. I think personally that since very few of these people really like Bush, they are afraid they might be in the way if and when. Note here: It is strictly forbidden under penalty to even hint at the large and apparently serious death threats coming in against not only the President but Cheney and Rumsfeld as well. And I mean a strict prohibition! Parenthetically, I discussed this with my editor and he told me to shut up on the subject. He doesn’t want a heart attack and neither would our CEO…

April 28, 2004

Thank you for publishing my comments. Since you put these up on your website, there has been a kind of private, muted panic in the White House. The Bush Gestapo is determined to find out who I am. Fortunately, I am not a staff member but now I understand the WH is getting the FBI into the act to do a computer linguistic check on my comments to compare these with articles I might have written. Way to go with the tax dollars, Karl!)

You ought to look into the incident when Bush got a nasty, deep cut on his head when he “fell off the couch while watching a football game.” Did he land on the dog? Bush is known to fall down from time to time, according to [redacted] for “no apparent reason at all.

Yesterday, a senior staff member cornered me in the press room and wanted to show me that he had no cross under his coat lapel. I asked him why he was doing this and he replied that some “psycho” in the White House was “spreading lies” to the media. When I asked him where this had appeared, and took out my trusty notebook, he shut up and went off to pray somewhere.

Latrine rumor has it that a new memo is coming out, strictly prohibiting any “non-assigned personnel” from entering into any White House office except by specific invitation and then with a “guide.” So much for the Jesus wallpaper. Everywhere but the lavatory. One of my irreverent colleagues scrawled up something bad about the Prez on a wall over one of the staff urinals and now these are under 24 hour video surveillance. Makes certain bodily practices very embarrassing.

When Sharon was here, [redacted] told me that Bush basically asked him what he wanted and then gave it to him. No quid pro quo and Foggybottom (Department of State. Ed) folks were livid.

One of the jokes here is about the Fabulous Bush twins. They are not to be talked about because they are following in Dad’s uncertain footsteps. What a family. Two of the children are drunks and the niece is a raging drug addict who was selling crack in the halfway house in Florida! I told my editor I was having fun but I would rather cover drying paint. It’s less dangerous, let me advise you. By the way, all calls outside the White House are tapped and taped.

My colleague from the Mickey Mouse channel has been telling a great story, but outside the White House. In one of the top Presidential aide’s offices, on the wall, are three big pictures. One, in the center, is a colored picture of an Aryan Jesus flanked left and right by smirking portraits of Bush and Cheney. Our commentator refers to this tableaux as Christ between the Two Thieves!

April 21, 2004

In the current White House, attendance at daily Christian Evangelical prayer meetings is mandatory.

Vice President Cheney is the de facto President of the United States. When he arrives at the White House for one of his "briefings" of the President, all employees are cleared from the West Wing and especially from the Presidential office suites. Cheney arrives in an escorted armored limousine surrounded by his own personal, heavily armed bodyguard and is always shown directly into the President's office. It is reliably reported by [redacted] that Bush has a thick pad of lined, yellow note paper on his desk, placed there by [redacted] just before the Vice President arrives.

After Cheney's departure, the notes taken by the President are transcribed by [redacted] and prepared as talking points for the President...

At some time in the past, according to both [redacted] and [redacted] the President suffered what one of his aides called "a very minor seizure" and as a result of this, the President has a very difficult time following any unscripted conversations. For this reason, his staff carefully and aggressively protect the President from "unexpected" questions that he is not capable of answering.

The President takes oral medication at least twice a day according to [redacted] because of an unspecified "indisposition' and this subject is strictly off limits for any casual staff conversation.

At one point during a staff conference, the President stood up and began to speak in an unknown language. Mr. Rove was able to stop the President and get him to resume his seat. It was reported by [redacted] that for a period of time (about fifteen minutes) after this incident, the President appeared to be 'somewhat confused and very inarticulate.'

White House staff members report that they rarely see the President during work hours and that when they do, he is generally accompanied by Mr. Rove and almost never either looks at or speaks to members of the staff. He does not appear to recognize many of the staff members and almost all contact with these individuals are carried out by his close aides, especially by Mr. Rove.

Bush hold as few meetings with the public, including the press, as possible. We get reams of official papers informing us of this or that new directive. Those of us who have an inside track with the staff are taken to dinner and given the questions to ask Bush. These are questions he has been thoroughly briefed on and has memorized the answers for. Anyone who persists in pushing the envelope gets a rocket from the Rove people and does not get invited back.

Most of the staff are young, dedicated, almost fanatical, and very, very Christian. The Ten Commandments are in each and every office with nice pictures of Jesus accompanying them. I have chatted up a few of these bright-faced kids and find out that they Love Jesus, Hate Gays, Abortionists, Moslems, Blacks, Catholics, some Jews, all Democrats, Liberals, Hindus, Chinese, Frenchmen, Germans, and now, Spaniards.

There are daily parades of born-agains into the White House, all chanting the praises of the Lord and Bush, in that order of course. Most of them want all abortionists hung along with gays (the Beltway and the Pentagon would be empty) and godless Muslims and Buddhists. Orwell would have loved this place! Yesterday [redacted] told me in strict confidence of course, that if Diebold didn’t reelect George, the Lord would. They all wear miniature US flags on their clothes but under the lapels they have “hidden tokens of the True Faith” and they flip their lapels with knowing smiles when they meet another True Believer.

April 8, 2004

The Bush people including their troops in Congress, Justice Scalia, the warlords of the right, the Pentagon and Rupert Murdoch, the Washington Times and the National Review have all decided that we must have a draft as quickly as possible. Rove has said that even to broach this seriously before November would be suicide so it is now being set up in detail, predicated on a Bush victory. And on that subject, the Beltway rumors mills have it that the election “is in the bag.” Vote rigging is often spoken of with happiness and there is always the strong probability of an “October Surprise” to propel the tardy of support into backing Bush, our “wartime” president. Congress has the draft packages, the SS is now officially activated and the FBI has been ordered to prepare “preventive action” against potential draft dodgers and anti war activists.

Scalia, somewhat to the right of Attila the Hun, has voiced his opinion that draft dodgers can be put in Federal jails without further let or hindrance under new “emergency” acts being drawn up. A National Identity Card is being considered as a means of preventing draft dodging. How will the press handle this? Do we want to end up in a concentration camp undergoing a “patriotic rebirth?” This whole plan, which exists now on paper, is called “Operation Lexington.” Copies are marked “TOP SECRET- COSMIC” which is really a level of accession. Interesting times ahead as the Bush Blackshirts oil up their golden swastikas and try out their new black leather top boots.